Grieve Out Loud works quietly behind the scenes helping families find their way back to life after loss. We answer every single Pen-Pal Request that comes our way.
To be matched with another bereaved mom, dad, grandma, grandpa or friend please send an e-mail to vol@facesofloss.com with your name, e-mail, and a brief description of our loss.
Thank you for taking the time to check us out. We know the pain in your heart very well and are here to help you remember.
2013.
Year three.
What do you have in store for us?
For all of us?
Every year we talk about the natural evolution of Grieve Out Loud, and of our grief.
Welcomed or not, time distances us from our grief, but never from our hearts.
My grief is not as sharp.
It does not force itself up through my fingertips like it once did.
But I know yours does.
That said, GOL is working to publish the new voices of loss.
Your voice.
We want you to know we are not going anywhere.
In our silence, we are working on a better tomorrow for the folks who find us.
If you are interested in pitching new ideas for GOL please contact Julie.
Make sure to friend us on Facebook. Our private group has over 2500 members who discuss many topics facing the babyloss community.
Don’t forget about our Pen-Pal Program.
Last year we helped so many families find their way back to life after loss and want to continue with you.
Our extensive volunteer team covers an incredibly vast range of losses. Talk to someone who has walked a mile in your exact shoes. We are here to listen and offer any help we can.
As always, if you need anything, just contact us.
Happy New Year’s to you all. Thank you for supporting Grieve Out Loud!
Cheers,
Julie – GOL Founder
As 2013 quickly approached we want to pass a few changes onto you our viewers.
- As a team, we have decided not to renew the milestone exchange into the new year. We apologize for those who have been waiting. We highly encourage you to come together as a community and host your own milestone exchanges. For the exchanges that went smoothly, we heard nothing but good things. Unfortunately every month we experienced hiccups and it was never our intention for families not to receive gifts. Therefore, we will no longer be hosting exchanges. Thanks to all who participated in the past.
- We plan to put all our focus into our Pen-Pal Program. We will be working to spread the word of its existence to help reach families who are suffering in silence. We will be accepting new volunteers twice a year, so look for our first open call of 2013.
- More interaction and writing challenges on our Facebook Group.
As always, we are open to your suggestions. If there is something you would like to see new and improved please contact us at grieveoutloud@gmail.com
Ready for our last opening?
We want Grieve Out Loud to be easily accessible to the families that need it. We want to spread the news of what we do and how we can help. If you know of ways that will help, perhaps this is the gig for you! Contact Julie if interested!
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There you have it folks. Four different ways you can help Grieve Out Loud continue to grow and Give Back to our babyloss community. Here is a recap on openings:
1) Content Developers – helping us write material for Facebook, Our Online Support Group Meetings and GOL.org content.
2) Being a New Pen-Pal for families.
3) PR opportunities with helping us Spread the Word.
4) Plus the Open Call for any original content from our readers!
Thank you all for your time and interest. We look forward to reading your ideas and working with you all.
As part of our Give Back Project, we are pleased to introduce our second volunteer opening: New Pen-Pals.
Our Pen-Pal Program is the most important aspect of what we do for the babyloss community. It takes a lot of strength and courage for families to reach out to us for help. It takes even more strength and courage to be a Pen-Pal. Think you’re ready for it?
While we all share the same ending — our lives, histories, and stories are uniquely different. We are looking to expand our Pen-Pal Database with families dealing with, but not limited to:
SIDS, Incompetent Cervix, Preterm Birth, NICU Families, Blighted Ovum, Father’s of Pregnancy and Infant Loss, Infertility Work-Ups and Families TTC after Loss.
Being a Pen-Pal is a very rewarding way to give back. Not only will you be helping others, you will be continuously sharing the story of your children.
For more information, or to sign up as a Grieve Out Loud Pen-Pal please send a message to Julie with “New Pen-Pal” in the subject line. Make sure to explain the type of loss you would like to represent in your e-mail. Please have your request in by Tuesday, May, 31st.
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Still not your cup of tea? Still have more to announce so hang tight!
Every day we strive to help families find their way back to life after loss. It’s not always easy, or pretty but in the end we build beautiful relationships with people from all over the world. I recently had an idea that some of you might be interested in.
I am pleased to announce our Give Back Project.
At some point in our journey, we have the urge to give back. Some people will participate in remembrance walks, donate money or items to their favorite charities, knit blankets and hats for hospitals or even create their own organizations. Some people are still trying to figure out what they want to do in honor of their children. This might just be your calling!
We are expanding in big ways here and are very excited to share these opportunities with you. We will be looking for new team members, content developers and other volunteers who are ready to help us give back to the community. We will begin posting our openings here and on our Facebook page. If you feel you have the time and energy to fill the openings please contact us.
It’s hard to believe 2011 is here! During this time last year our team was being established and Grieve Out Loud started. Would like to take a moment to thank all of our team members for helping mold Grieve Out Loud into what it is today. I could not have done it alone and am beyond thankful for all they do.
Would like to thank this entire community for helping us spread the word of our Pen-Pal program. Many thanks to our facebook friends who have come together as their own community who encourage and love each other every single day. To all the people who requested business cards and helped locally distribute them to families who need us. To all our Pen-Pal’s who took a risk and found true comfort in talking with men and women who know exactly how they feel. To anyone who sent our link to someone who needed it. We thank you all so much. It has been an honor and a pleasure talking with all of you and look forward to growing in 2011.
We have a lot in store for you this year. Our big Pregnancy after Loss series will be starting soon. Mostly I truly hope that 2011 will be the best year ever for all of us. Remember there are so many ways in which we can help you.
Our Pen-Pal program is open to anyone and includes:
– Pregnancy and infant loss for mothers, fathers and grandparents
– TTC (trying to conceive) after loss
– Pregnancy after loss
You aren’t alone. If you need someone to talk with do not hesitate to contact us at grieveoutloud@gmail.com
Once again, thank you all for your support and kindness. Cheers to 2011 and all the mystery it has in store for us.
With Love,
Julie – Grieve Out Loud Founder
Welcome to Part II of our TTC After Loss series. For information on Part I please click here to familiarize yourself with the setup.
This week we continue sharing and comparing real answers to popular questions surrounding TTC. Please remember that everyone’s bodies and stories are different. Don’t worry if your personal answers to these questions differ from what is posted. We are posting these simply to shine light on the average numbers and give hope to those who might be struggling with questions.
How long are your cycles?
We asked thirty women how long their cycles (first day of period to beginning of their next period) were and the average was twenty-nine (29) days. Over half of these women have the typical twenty-eight (28) day cycle.
But fear not, sneaked inside these numbers were women with thirty day (30) plus cycle days. Don’t feel like a freak of nature if you have long cycles. Even though us long cyclers might have to wait a little longer, there is nothing wrong with you — your chances of conception are no different than short cyclers.
When do you ovulate?
Given the same thirty women as above, the average day of ovulation is cycle day fifteen (15.)
Of course, this number does not work for everyone. Some women ovulate as early as day eleven (11) and as late as day twenty-two (22.) As mentioned in Part I of our TTC after Loss piece, ovulation kits and fertility monitors can help a lot of women watch for and prepare for their big O (ovulation.)
Stress, sickness, travel and other factors can interrupt ‘regular’ ovulation by a few days, even weeks for some. Frustrating yes, but not unheard of.
When do you start (pregnancy) testing?
“I start as early as six Days Past Ovulation (DPO.) I know better, but there is something strangely comforting in peeing on tests for me.” Grieve Out Loud founder – Julie
It’s true, there is something to be said about early testing. A lot of women commented that they start as early as the day after ovulation. Women also commented with “If I have tests in the house, I’m going to use them.”
But seeing negative tests – or Big Fat Negatives (BFN) collect in your waste-bin isn’t exactly easy on the heart. The Two Week Wait (2WW) is what you will hear from your doctors. Fourteen days is waaaayyyy too long for most though.
Some women have reported faint positive tests as early as nine DPO, but the average is 10-14 DPO. Note this is just on average, you might be able to test earlier, or wait longer. It really depends on your average Luteal Phase (LP.) If your LP is normally 12-14 days, test on the last day of your LP.
If you are on Fertility Friend they have an awesome Chart Gallery you can search.
How do you handle your BFN’s?
“Disappointing, but I just tried to tell myself that it wasn’t our time yet.” – Holly
This was a very difficult question to ask these families. Finding out all your efforts and hope has failed another month is very hard. You are not a failure. Your partner is not a failure. Be gentle to yourself.
Personally, I have what is called a “Period Party.” Have a few extra glasses of wine, eat handfuls of sushi (and chocolate!) — whatever the case may be. It is sad not to achieve pregnancy, but remember there is always next month!
What if we’re still not pregnant?
TTC after Loss has a way of slowing down the entire universe. Sometimes three or four cycles can feel like three or four years. Keep your hopes high, because the journey is not always smooth.
Some women lose their fertility or even worse, the ability to carry a child after their loss. If after six cycles of perfectly timed intercourse has passed without your Big Fat Positive (BFP) it might be time to consult your doctor. If there is an infertility problem, you might want to check out a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and begin fertility treatments. Please note there is a huge difference between not getting pregnant and having infertility problems. Fertility treatments can be a very serious and expensive route to take. Sometimes families try for years and years before seeing a RE. Make sure you are timing intercourse properly before assuming you have an infertility problem.
A good rule of thumb is this, so long as there are no medical reason(s) standing in your way — the way you conceived before will be the way you conceive again. Don’t run to a RE after two months of trying. Let things happen as they will. We know the wait is hard, but we’ve all had to do it. Be strong and positive.
But I just can’t wait! Who can I talk to in more detail about this whole TTC after Loss journey?
You aren’t alone friend, there are plenty of places to help you get through it.
We are currently putting together a Pen-Pal list for parents who are TTC again. You can talk one-on-one with someone who has conceived after loss naturally, through IUI, IVF, FET, and adoption. We also have a group of women who are in the waiting period of TTC, along with actively TTC (me included.) For more information or to get set up with a Pen-Pal click here.
Other great sites include Glow in the Woods’ ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss board and Faces of Loss’ Forum.
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Don’t give up hope folks. TTC after Loss can be a lonely, stressful, mind-altering journey. It does not have to be though. Let us help you get through the rough patches and share the good times with you.
Next we will be moving onto the well-awaited Pregnancy after Loss! Learn more about how long it takes to achieve pregnancy after loss, the emotions surrounding the BFP, when it is time to share the news, preparing for birth after loss and much much more!
Grieve Out Loud is always striving to find new ways to help reach friends and families dealing with pregnancy and infant loss. Today we announce a very important Pen-Pal. Someone who has personally helped me through the roughest patches of my own grief. Someone who represents an entire generation of individuals who might not have a voice in grief.
She represents all the Grandparents of pregnancy and infant loss. The loss of a grandchild is just as heartbreaking for grandma and grandpa as it is for mother and father. Their grief is doubled. Seeing their son/daughter in pain along with grieving for their grandchild. They often grieve in silence as not to upset the family. Please take a moment to thank Koko for joining GOL and read a little bit about her experience with losing a grandchild.
“At my senior center, I have encountered several situations that have truly hurt me. For example, some one will announce the birth of their new grand baby and show off pictures, or tell how they were in the delivery room. Most will avoid you like the plague once they know. Like losing a baby is contagious.”
Koko can also help with things such as the subject of explaining death (age appropriately) to living grandchildren, tips on how to interact with living grandchildren without becoming (overly) emotional, or crafting memorial projects with the grandchildren.
If you have any questions, or would like to join Koko as part of the Grandparents Pen-Pals please contact us at grieveoutloud@gmail.com
*Photo Masterfile.com
*As part of our Care Packages, I have sent some of our Pen-Pals cuts from my son’s Jade Plant. Here is the full story.*
On September 18th, 2009 my son, Evel was born still. A few days after we returned from the hospital, my husband and I started a Jade Plant in his honor.
(My son’s urn [yes, a Hello Kitty boy!] and his Jade Plant.)
It has been a pleasure watching his Jade Plant grow. We just pasted the nine month mark and it amazes me how big his plant has grown. That is why I have decided to share my pleasures with some of you.
You don’t have to be a green thumb to start a small memory plant for your baby. Jade plants grow both indoors and out, although we keep ours indoors. Just place the leaf or stem in a small pot, pack it with lots of soil and give it a generous watering. If you received a leaf, it will take longer for it to grow roots, but just be patient, it will stem off. Jades like lots of sun, so make sure to put it near a window.
There are hundreds of other plants and flowers you can purchase besides Jade. A close friend of ours started a small memorial planter with Forget Me Nots:
Bleeding Hearts are another beautiful alternative.
In short, Jade Plants are my personal favorite for memorial plants. They grow with such ease and are beautiful to look at. I hope that those of you who have received a cut from the Evel Tree will plant it with love and know that we are thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. We also hope you send us some pictures so we can post them!
